Evden gitmek elden gitmek mi?

evden_gitmek

 

Ergenlik dönemine girilen 10-12 ya?lar?ndan olumluluk dönemine geçilen 20-22 ya? aras?ndaki dönem insan hayat?n?n?n farkl? bir dönemidir.

A?a?? yukar? 10 y?ll?k dönem delikanl? k?z, deli?men erkek davran??? nedeniyle güzel tuhafl?l?klar, ?a??rt?c? tepkileri ile dikkati çeker. Hatta baz? psikologlar normal ?izofrenik dönem olarak tan?mlarlar bu dönemi.

Çünkü bu ya? dönemi beyin, beden, zihin ba?lant?lar?n?n olu?tu?u bir dönemdir.

Gençlerde mant?ksal kararlar? veren sol beyinle, duygusal kararlar? veren sa? beyin aras?nda ahenkli “network” olu?umu henüz oturmam??t?r. Beyin a?sal yap?s?n?n organize hâle gelmesi y?llar alan süreçtir.

Hatta “Anac?” erkek veya “Babac?” k?z çocuklar?nda bu a?sal yap?n?n olgun hâle gelmesi 40 ya?lar?n? bile bulmaktad?r.

Hatta baz? kültürlerde zevkçili?in yüceltilmesi, ön beyin bölgesindeki yürütücü i?levlerden sorumlu bölgelerin yeterli geli?memesine, dolay?s? ile dürtü kontrolü bozuklu?u olan “hemen ?imdici” anl?k zevklerin pe?inde ko?an bir gençli?in yeti?mesine sebebiyet vermektedir.

?nsan beyninde hayat boyu geli?me gösteren ödül-ceza sistemi yukar?da sözünü etti?im anac? erkek, babac? k?z ve keyifçi, zevkçi gençler de farkl? geli?mektedir.

Anac? erkek, babac? k?z çocuk ebeveyni ile sa?l?kl? ve güvenli ba?lanma ve ayr??ma sürecini i?letemez.

Atalar?m?z “K?z evden gider o?lan elden gider” derken asl?nda yayg?n korkuyu ifade etmi?lerdi.

Her insan?n çocukluk dönemlerinde aile içerisinde ili?kilerde olu?turdu?u “hayat senaryolar?” vard?r. Bu senaryolar zihnimizin derin kay?tlar?nda yaz?l?d?r.

?nsano?lu hayat?n yeni dönemine girdi?i zaman kazan?lm?? senaryolar? yeni duruma göre güncellemesi gerekir. Senaryolar, ili?ki biçimleri ayn? kalsa bile ba? aktörler, oyuncular de?i?mi?tir.

Evden uzak okul hayat? ba?lad???nda hayata yeni oyuncular kat?lmak zorundad?r. Evlenildi?inde ata ikiden dörde ç?km??t?r, karde? say?s? birden artm??t?r. Okulda yeni iyi ve kötü karakterler kurguya dahil edilmi?tir.

Dü?ünce kat?l??? ve duygu k?s?tl?l??? olan bu gençler yeni duruma uyum sa?layamazlar her ?eyi annelerine veya babalar?na sorma ihtiyac? duyarlar. Onlar?n onay? olmadan karar veremeyen bu gençlerde özerklik duygusu geli?memi?tir.

Bu durumun çaresi gençlerin ve ebeveynlerin kar??l?kl? ili?kilerine önyarg?s?z bak??? sa?layabilmelerindedir.  Gençler anne ve babalar?na hem ba?l? ve sayg?l? hem de özerk ve ba??ms?z birey olmay? ba?armalar? için fark?ndal?k ve kendini tan?maya yönelik zihinsel çabalar? yeterlidir. Zihin e?itimlerinde yol ald?kça kendilerini gerçekle?tirmeyi de ba?arabilirler.

Zevkçi gençlerin zihin e?itimi ise çok daha zordur.

Modernizm ya?mur ekti, f?rt?na biçiyor. Psikiyatri kongrelerinde aile içi ?iddetin ve ba??ml?l???n çok konu?ulmas? tesadüf de?il.

Gençlerin tek ilgi alan?n?n bilgisayarlar olmas? rastlant? de?il. ?nsanlarda “ödül yetmezli?i sendromu” olu?tu.

Yeme?e doymayan, sevgiye doymayan, lükse doymayan, e?lenceye doymayan, estetik tatminsizlik içinde hep almak isteyen vermekten ho?lanmayan genç tipi özellikle geli?mi? ülkelerin dü?ünürlerini endi?elendiriyor.

Freud “Haz pe?inde ko?mak yarat?c? faaliyetin en büyük kayna??d?r” derken, Adler “Kendi üstünlü?ünü isbat etmek yarat?c? faaliyetin kayna??d?r” der. Yine  Varolu?cu felsefe “?nsan ko?ulsuz özgürdür, bencil dürtüler hayat?n anlam?n? olu?turur” derken insan? beyin- zihin denkleminde ödül yetmezli?i sendromuna sokacaklar?n? hiç öngörmemi?lerdi.

Gençlerimiz ?unu bilmeli: Sosyal davran??lar?m?z?n temelini olu?tururken modernizm bizi yanl?? yönlendirdi. Fakat yeni modernizm ise, yeni çözümler sunuyor.

O halde gençlerimiz;

k?sa vadeli zevkler yerine orta, uzun vadeli zevkleri,

parasal, estetik ve cinsel zevkler, orgazma ula?amaman?n ç??l??? olan gürültülü müzik ve ç?lg?n ya?ant?ya varan hisler yerine, merak, hayret, esenlik, kendini gerçekle?tirmek, sosyal ideallere hizmet etmenin hazz?n? öncelikleseler geleceklerine daha çok hizmet etmi? olacaklar.

Evet gençler! Yeni bilim anac?, babac? olmay?n ama evden giderken elden gitmeyin de diyor.

Evlad?m ölçülü ol, hayatta tad? güzel ba?ka zevkler de var” diyen babalar?m?z?n kulaklar? ç?nlas?n.

 

Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan

ntarhan@gmail.com

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